So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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