On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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