Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
