I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize