I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Life is so much better after having sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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