I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Come on in and take your pants off
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