just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
