Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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