just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize