Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
