Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize