tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
