You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
