my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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