I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
