Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
