guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
