i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
