I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
