i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize