i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just had sex on a roof
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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