I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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