can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
