Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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