And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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