return my video game
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
