Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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