what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
