Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
