Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
