Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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