so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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