Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize