I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
