if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
