I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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