He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
