just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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