you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
