she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
