I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
