if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too much gin, very little bucket
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
