Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
