They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
