I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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