It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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