Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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