Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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