I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize