The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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