yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
