He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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