Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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