Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
