Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
