Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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