All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize