U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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