apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
