I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
