is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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