i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
