evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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