he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
