Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
