Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
