I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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