Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In America we eat man semen.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
