Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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