You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
