i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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