It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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