I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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