would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
