Don't you send me to vm
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
