CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
