I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
