Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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