Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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