I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
